#183

Criticism Can Give You a Headache

I heard a preacher once say that some folks live like they were born in vinegar and weaned on sour pickle juice.

I believe that one of the ways that Satan is very effective in defeating individual Christians, or at the very least rendering them as an ineffective witnesses,  is with a constant bombardment of negative criticism. He puts negative people in our lives that can turn us into continual critics ourselves if we are not careful.

In his book, “Three Simple Steps: A Map To Success in Business and Life," author, Trevor Blake, describes what happens in the brain when a person is exposed to constant criticism. Now before I go any further, I will admit that some will use this study to say there should be no criticism. That is not the intent of Blake’s study and it is not the intention of this article. What he and his study dealt with was what happens to us when we are in an environment of constant negativity.

Have you ever left with a headache after being cornered in a negative environment for a long period of time?

“A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; Proverbs 27:15 NIV.” I use this passage not as a characterization of women, but because of the use of the visual - "a constantly dripping faucet.”  A quarrelsome anyone would be compared to this “drip, drip, drip.”

"The brain works more like a muscle than we thought," Blake says. "So if you're pinned in a corner for too long listening to someone being negative, you're more likely to behave that way as well."

This is the danger for Jesus people. The study reveals that if exposed to constant negative criticism, we could end up becoming negative critics ourselves. We know that “bad company corrupts good character, (I Corinthians 15:33 CEB).” Paul’s point is that we should not be bad company, but it is also understood that we should not be in bad company for fear it would rub off on us.

Blake’s study reveals that constantly being in highly critical company can rub off on us.

I wonder how many of us became negative people because of constant exposure to negativity.

The kind of criticism we are referencing is not constructive input, but criticism where the critic is typically not interested in a solution, but only vocalizing his or her negativity and getting others to join in. The negative criticism may not be about you, but directed to you about who knows what: politics, sports, garbage pick-up, telephone service, etc.

The source of this type of bombardment is not limited to those we interact with. It can come from all forms of media. Much of what comes into our lives is accessed via the “on” button on our communication devices; and much of that input is constantly negative. So how can we insulate ourselves to some degree from this constant barrage? We can turn off the computer, the television, the radio, mP3 player, etc, but there is no “off” button for people.

The reason this is so important is because it affects our witness for Jesus. Who wants to become a member of a family full of constant critics?

This really presents a double-barreled dilemma. How do we not become enmeshed in negativity, and how do we help this person escape the prison of being constantly critical?

Our solution, I believe, is to, “Come out from among them.” We cannot allow ourselves to be continually exposed to continual criticism for fear it will turn us into a negative monster.

Then we need to carefully help a person out of that mire with love and patience, describing the impact, or potential impact, they can have on the people in their life circles. I really don’t think they want to, nor do they realize that they are, giving people headaches with their constant criticism of virtually everything that goes on around them – turning us into negative and constantly critical people.

#182

There Is Simply No More Room Under the Bus

Bosses sometimes do it to employees. Sometimes, employees do it to bosses, though probably behind their back if they want to keep their job. Sometimes it’s done employee to employee. We see politicians do it to their fellow politicians almost on a daily basis. Where ever it occurs, it creates a toxic environment. To put it in milder terms it’s called making your fellow human being look bad in order to make yourself look good. Another more concise and precise way to put it is “throw them under the bus”. And there’s just no more room under the bus.

I guess there was a time when “saving face” was something someone did for you. They acted or spoke in your behalf to make you look maybe not quite so bad. Now we take it upon ourselves to save our own face by throwing people under the bus.

And it’s even more tragic when you see two followers of Jesus Christ treat each other that way. To some degree it’s what turned me off from debates. It seemed at some point the debaters quit debating the issue, and started gouging each other’s eyes out - throwing each other under the bus.

We continue to see it in publications as editors and writers resort to name-calling and demeaning statements when addressing their side of an issue.

I believe the one who is doing the throwing is the one who is self deceived. They believe they are better than everyone else and they are, therefore, going to make sure that everyone else knows it no matter whose dignity and self-worth is at stake.

Too many times this takes the form of outright lies. They simply make up things about the other person which are not true. But for the self deceived person, the truth is not the goal - others thinking highly of them is.

And it seems that there are those who constantly find themselves under the bus. How long can they take it? Many would say it is their fault for not being more assertive. Since when do we shift the blame to the victim and away from the culprit? Oh yes. I forgot. This is the 21^st century.

Surely we, at least intellectually, know this is not the way to treat people. But what about if you are the one being treated this way?

The words of Jesus, “Love your enemies, pray for those who harass you” (Matthew 5:44 – CEB)

The words of Paul, “Bless people who harass you - bless and do not curse them.”  (Romans 12:14 – CEB)

Easier said than done, I guess. There’s just no more room under the bus.